Healing from the Heart (of society)...

Today, more than most days, I see that somethings you just have to let come to you. Call it laziness, but, today, more than most days, I see what people mean when they say when you seek something, you miss all things special you weren't seeking for in the first place. . . and this works on so many different levels. There are even times when you just got to allow those things you want least to come to you.... to come to you... This is because chances are that you have avoided everything you wanted to avoid all your life... but then once something that you have avoided all your life hits you, it envelopes you in a veil of illumination. It's refreshing and you have that much a wider perception of the world around you.

I want to dedicate this blog post to the RAs that have been w/ us these past month. Thanks to them, I have found this wider perception.

It was not a physical thing I was trying to avoid... It wasn't some evil eye of Sauron... It wasn't my parents. It wasn't even an emotion, but it was emotion itself. I was trying to avoid emotion and over it I cast such a mask of fake emotion that it wasn't even translucent in my eyes. I'll start at the beginning.

I've been living up here at the University of Colorado at Boulder campus for a month now, I've been home only once since July 5th, and it's August 7th now. I am up here as part of a research program, and w/ me are 17 other people and 3 RAs. These past weeks we have gotten to be really good friends. For those of you who are here (were there) with me, you know what's coming...

The bottom line is that some people in the group were rumored of drinking (which was strictly forbidden). As a result, the entire group was forced into complete lockdown. What's a little drinking I thought... I know realize how selfish, how naive, how utterely ignorant I was... The RAs were devastated. "The world is selfish..." one of the RAs said. Despite this seemingly negative perspective, his viewpoint was genuinely optimistic to the point of idealistic. He said his goal in life was to do everything in his power to reverse this selfishness/dishonesty/distrust in the world. He said this is why he became an RA, and after 4 weeks of his effort to eliminate such dishonesty/distrust he was faced with just that. Honesty and distrust.

I do not have anything against those people who did drink. I do not have anything against those that let the RAs know it was going on. I do not have anything against breaking the rules from time to time. Why? Because it's not about the drinking, it's not even about the breaking of rules... it's about society, selfishness, distrust, and dishonesty. How many of us walk w/ masks over our true identity, how many of us walk w/ masks over our true emotions, to how many of us is life a walk of deceit and dishonesty. How many of us are victims to our own deceit. I know I have often convinced myself of something far from the truth for the sake of just getting on w/ life happily. But this "happy" continuation of life is simply fake-emotion: your mind masking your sould, your mind masking your heart... however you look upon it.

In our group, it was this distrust and dishonesty that almost tore apart what had become a close-knit family. It was the distrust and dishonesty that slowly etched away at the heart of the family, but we never let it show on the outside. What saved us from the certain fate of breaking apart was honesty and a renewed hope for trust. A simple hour spent w/ everyone, where we all just came out and said flat out what we felt... This was what I was avoiding all along, I was avoiding this emotion... but it is this emotion that has healed us and that has provided a sense of refreshment to the entire group.

It makes you think, Franklin was right all along. It's not about the drinking, it's the realization that society is indeed selfish to an extent... a selfishness created by distrust and dishonesty that constantly eats away at the heart of it. It's the hope for healing society w/ honesty and trust.

Greetings fellow travellers. . .

Hello to myself and to all who read,

Reality and life provide us w/ millions of opportunities every second. Every instant of our existence in this universe is filled with choice and thus, we find ourselves traveling along a one-way road we hope to call "progress." With every choice, this road branches, and at anytime you may stop to look behind and see a metropolis of possibilities. Some of these roads intersect and some lead on to distant horizons never to be seen again. You are not sure what experiences remain hidden on these untraveled roads, however, one thing is certain: the scope of these pathways are infinite. Your life and existence is created through the choices you make, the pathways you travel... Therefore, to me... there is no life, no existence when one remains stagnant and motion-less amongst these branching pathways. To me, life and existence is about exploring this metropolis of infinite pathways. . .

and thus, I have named this blog, fittingly "infinite pathways." I hope to use it as a tool of exploration. The very nature of pathways is that they are meant for travelers, so I invite all who read this blog to become fellow travelers along these infinite pathways and provide your perspectives and comments :)

Finally, I remember back in junior year ( I believe) of high school, I drew up a picture that I myself couldn't quite describe. Many times I have tried to place myself in the frame of mind I was when I first drew it in chem class... trying to find a fitting name of it. I believe now, when I am about to enter freshman year of college at CU Boulder, I finally have a fitting name for it... I would like to call it "Infinite Pathways" by Gautham Gopakumar... And in the spirit of my first blog, in the spirit of infinite pathways, I would like to present it here. . . I present to you "Infinite Pathways" . . .